Stand Up Comedy Wala Blog – II

Ok so for all those people who thought my 2nd blog was going to be about Thalaiva, sorry, that was just a classy twist-ending to hook you on to my 2nd blog ok?[Insert laughter] That was typical season 1 episode 1 ending template that one would see in any OTT [Insert laughter]!

Everyone in India knows, especially everyone in South India knows that “no one” makes stand up jokes on Thalaiva. Why? Because we worship him. [No Laughter]

It’s like joking on the late Bal Thackeray and walking out alive on the streets of Mumbai [Insert laughter]. Although Rajni sir is also a Marathi (Shivaji Rao Gaekwad) who made it big in Tamil Nadu. Still. One could eventually crack a derogatory comment on Rajni sir and still walk freely in Tamil Nadu (like Seeman or Vaiko or other pro tamil politicians or actor Sathyaraj for that matter) [Insert laughter], one cannot do the same in Mumbai if they speak nonsense about the erstwhile Bal Thackeray Sahab, the ‘God Father of Maharashtra’.[Insert laughter]

Bal Thackeray sahab se yaad aaya .. remember Swedish Mafia concert in Mumbai back in November 2012[Insert laughter]. Not Sarkar movie (Lets get to that in a while). Entire Mumbai was shut down. My friends from Hyderabad traveled all the way to Mumbai for the concert (Swedish Mafia) in 2012. They were bluntly informed that “Aaj shri Bala Saheb Thackeray ka dehaant ho gaya tho taxi nahi chalegi” [Today shri Bala Saheb Thackeray passed away, cabs won’t run]. Disappointed my friends came back to Hyderabad after starving for 2 days in Mumbai [Insert laughter].

Imagine how Swedish Mafia would have felt in 2012 after this cancelation, they would have gone soul searching saying that ‘in front of Mumbai Mafia we (Swedish Mafia) were nothing’ [Insert laughter].

Mafia se yaad aaya, so many RGV movies that made us fall in looouuuvvvee with these Mafia employees and Mafia bosses no (including THE Family Man Biku Mathre)? [Insert laughter] The truth is way too ugly.

Remember the debut of Nawazuddin Siddique in ‘Black Friday’ movie? [Insert laughter]. Apparently it’s directed by Anurag Kashyap (assistant director to one and only RGV) .. Nawaz bhai plays a role of an accountant to Tiger Memon bhai and he has no clue of a bomb blast being planned by Tiger Memon bhai. That’s the reality and not these Amitabh Bachchans or Abhishek Bachchans Sarkar ok? [Insert laughter]

I visited Mumbai 2 times in my life so far and I had never met these Mafia but why does RGV or his assistant directors portray Mumbai as a dark shady place? [Insert laughter] I so wanted to ask the auto driver or the taxi driver if they are related to any Mafia and if they are undercover tonight and if i was the lucky guy to get caught in a shootout![Insert laughter] but I restrained myself. What if he really was a member and pulls out a revolver at me![Insert laughter]

Imagine how thrilling that would be? I would then call my parents for one last time and tell then that I am going in an auto or taxi in Bombay and the start telling them my farewell messages like in the 2012 movie? [Insert laughter]

“Papa, you must have watched RGV’s ‘Satya’ movie, remember the public who gets caught in the shootout between Biku Matrey and encounter specialist? I am traveling from Colaba to Powai and have no guarantee whether I will reach home or not”[Insert laughter]… ( my parents would be answering my call from Hyderabad btw).

I am just dramatizing btw.[Insert laughter] Or am I ????[Insert laughter]

Hell, everytime I visit a squash club which I haven’t[Insert laughter], I look out for the Son of Sarkar and his girlfriend (Abhishek and Katrina in Sarkar movie)[Insert laughter], for that matter even in a pub [Emraan Hashmi types].

Please show a pistol pointed at me before I die and then I could die peacefully [Insert laughter]..

Arey God father se yaad aaya.. the first son of a God father (Marlon Brando, or Kamal Hassan or Amitabh Bachchan or Kaleen Bhaiya) usually never makes it big remember?[Insert laughter] And the living proof is in the current Mumbai Chief Minister (uh oh ).

Enough said [Insert laughter]. I hope Raj Thackeray is reading this blog btw ( in Marathi translation)! [Insert laughter]

Real jokes are in the real society bro! [Insert laughter].

If you are not born in Tamil Nadu then even Thalaiva is treated as an outsider in Tamil Nadu politics [Insert laughter]. What a joke really!!!! Everyone enjoys Thalaiva’s movies but if he says he wants to do good for the Tamil Nadu public by entering politics then all of a sudden he needs to be the son of the Tamil Soil ???? Really??[Insert laughter]

So the current Chief Minister of Tamil Nadu is called STALIN !! [Insert laughter]… wonderful. Stalin was a Russian dictator bro. Forget Russian, but alteast remember dictator bro ! No? [Insert laughter]

I feel my Tamil brothers are so naive that they can elect someone called STALIN as their chief minister and they did so actually?!!

If my tamil brothers are true sons of the soil as they claim then they should agitate publicly and ask STALIN to change his name to a Tamil name yes ?[No laughter]

These days the biggest joke in Tamil Nadu is the “Vedas” [Rig veda, Yajur Veda, Atharva Veda and Sama Veda] because they offer all the solutions to all our existing problems? Truth is that today’s generation don’t want any solution, they just want to rant out. Cool !!

Arey Tamil se yaad aaya, Srilankan Tamils in the latest series Family Man 2 (Amazon Prime) and Srilankan Tamils crisis in Jagame Thandhiram movie (Netflix).

More to come on my next blog. Promise.

–Varun Gowtham Mannava

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