Bro 1 : Bro !! AVICI is coming to b’lore next month wanna go ? its just an overnight journey from HYD. It’ll be fun.
Bro 2 : No man.. you know we both cant take leave at the same time and besides its month end work.
Bro 1 : Ya right, one month end you take leave and our prime investors will take back their money because you dint sign off on the numbers ??
Bro 2 : Dude are you coming for the team outing next weekend ?
Bro 1 : No man. Only one good chick and she’s taken too. I would rather hang out with my friends or watch a movie rather than hanging out with the same bunch of people even on weekends.
Bro 2 : Oh damn, is she already taken ?
Bro 2 : Dude I have my brown bag session with my Director today. Wish me luck.
Bro 1 : Whats luck gotta do with it. Brown bag lunch sessions used to happen in star hotels earlier but the 2008 crisis brought it down to having Pizzas and Kati rolls in conference rooms. And your Director wont even take notes, leave alone following up on your feedback. All questions would be instantly disposed as baseless. Just smile and wave dude.. no extra effort needed !
Bro 2 : Wave using right hand or left hand ?
Bro2 : dude no dress code does not mean you can wear pyjamas to work n come off to work in your sleep wear !!
Bro 1: chill dude.. Today is performance interview.. This way my manager will focus on my dress code rather than my performance
Bro 2: you are a genius dude !!
Bro2 : Dude we are late for the townhall!
Bro1 : Chill man, I know what they are gonna say. Should be yet another multi-talented, loyal big shot decided to re-invent / introspect their true passion in life and decided to move on and we will miss him/her. Gold plated way of saying we cant afford him/her anymore. Cost cutting you see.
Bro2: Um, I thought they were gonna say how the firm is doing and what the bonus percentages would be??
Bro1 : I don’t understand why we need to fill time tracker every week bro.
Bro2 : See its the only measure of your productive time at work.
Bro1 : ok let me see.. I login at around 1 pm, check out sports news for 30 mins, check out fb for 20 mins, check out the links shared on fb for 10 mins, check out trending youtube videos for 40 mins, share them to my friends a…t work for 10 mins. read all work related emails at one go in 10 mins. reply to one work mail for 5 mins. break out for lunch for an hour. then break out for a smoke/ tea break for 20 mins, reply to work mail for 10 mins, break out for foosball for one hour. evening snacks , watch tv in the break out area. reply to work mail. break out for dinner. NOW, you calculate my productive hours!
Bro2: Dude, its my fourth espresso shot today. I have been working 14 hours straight !!
Bro1: Why do you work so long? The last time I did something for fourteen hours straight was movie marathon night out last month!
Bro2: I see!
Bro2: dude listen to this song by Avici carefully.. Pinged you the link
Bro1: I know this song “wake me up when it’s all over” .. So what
Bro2: I want you to do this exactly once the full day training session gets over today.
Bro2 : Dude, Last date for Performance Appraisal today. I need to refer to my XYZ folder where I have stored all my appreciation mails and achievements. Are you done filling up your performance appraisal this appraisal period?
Bro1 : Ya dude.. long back. Windows has this amazing feature called copy – paste. Copied from prev appraisal n posted now with changed dates. been doing this since the last 2 years. who has time to read all your achievements. ratings are all pre-determined! you see its all part of the bigger plan.
Bro2 : I think I am going to faint !
Bro1 : Dude .. you know what month it is?
Bro2 : July. why its usually the month when all blue chip companies announce their quarterly results and the Global markets respond accordingly. Why do you ask?
Bro1 : Wrong bro!! its the time when new campus hire chicks join our company.. anyone joining your team ??
Bro1 : Dude, watch this full split video. Can you do it?
Bro2 : No but I guess you need to book the trades for a stock split. Have you done that?
Bro1 : What’s that again?
Bro2 : Dude, you wearing pyjamas to work, did you brush your teeth atleast ?
Bro1 : Bro, house-party last night, woke up damn late. why do you think there is mouth wash in our washrooms at work?
Bro2 : Oh! got it, I’ll speak to you tomorrow ok
Bro2 : Dude did you finish checking mails? I need some information, sent you a work mail.
Bro1 : Not yet. Just finished reading all web articles on last night’s match.
Bro2 : Is that what you do first after logging in every day ??!!
Bro1: Dude do you know what day it is ? Thursday !! Thursdays are Karaoke nights at 10D
Bro2: Dude do you know what a Convertible Bond is?? You have been reconciling it since last 6 months.
Bro1: Haha .. I ll stick to what day it is !!
Bro1: (Phone ringing) Bro, why you calling me on my mobile when I am playing foosball ??
Bro2: (on the phone) dude where are you? The team meeting started 15 mins ago. The manager is waiting for everyone in the team to arrive and its a 30 min calendar. Dint you get a reminder?
Bro1: (on the phone) Damn! I don’t like pop-ups, you know that. He’s gonna give the same speech in all meetings. I’ll be there in 15 mins.
Bro1 : Lunch bro ?
Bro2 : But I just came back from the pantry 30 minutes ago, had to send this report out by eod yesterday!
Bro1 : I just came to work bro !
Bro1 : dude what time your work gets over .. It’s Friday night bro (inter office chat)
Bro2 : got a meeting at 9 pm!! (Inter office chat)
Bro1 : dude get a life !!
Bro1 : (Interoffice chat) : dude check out this link!! Urgent !!
Bro2 : (Interoffice chat) : >clicks and opens the link. Holy Shit !@#*&< What the hell dude. I am never opening any link you send me. !!
Bro1 : (Interoffice chat) Haha..
Bro 1 : its valentines day bro !! Who’s your valentine ?
Bro 2 : I love accounting n reconciliation n in return the Wall Street firms love me !
Bro 1 : oh mighty valentine .. Do forgive this nerd !!
Bro 1 : it’s confidential bro
Bro 2 : I know why it is secret .. So that top performers like me don’t feel bad when average performers like you are paid the same bonus as me n I still don’t rant about it ?
Bro1: Dude which tooth paste do you buy ? Every time we buy something there is a margin that goes to the manufacturer n the retailer ??!! Where’s my margin? I am doing business with them right.
Bro2 : That’s what they call discount. Now let me work.
Bro1 : that’s seasonal dude. I want my margin everytime I buy a product from everywhere!!
Bro 1: dude what’s the difference between Pursuit of happyness n wolf of Wall Street ?
Bro 2 : in pursuit Chris takes the investors money by convincing it’s the safest thing to do but Wolf takes the investors money by showing them greed !
Bro 1 : no listen to my version. Pursuit is for the kids on Wall Street where as Wolf is for the grown ups on Wall Street
Bro1: One of those rare days when I woke up 3 hours before usual time.. Watched news , had coffee, had a bath then breakfast at home n wore neatly pressed clothes to work
Bro 2: I do that everyday
Bro 1: seriously ??
Bro1: Bro I just got a business idea.. An App that alerts you when you get a message either on Whatsapp or FB wall or FB messenger or phone message ..
Bro2: But why can’t you check it directly in those apps
Bro1: Its much cooler this way ?
Bro 1: dude I complete 1 year in the firm today !! Throwing a party
Bro 2: take two mins to introspect “what do we know ? What have we learnt ? “
Bro 1 : we know the deadlines n we have learnt how to postpone them
Bro1: Party Party Party bro. Finish your work by 7.30. I ll pick you up. On the way we are picking up couple of friends for the party. I love this company for the parties it throws man… what you gonna have??
Bro2: Fruit Punch.
Bro1: wow.. nice that you have graduated from Orange juice!
Bro 1: Dude I just finished level 50 on Candy Crush! Wohoo..
Bro2 : while you addicts are on it the company that launched this game is worth $ 7bn.
Bro 1: you are kidding right ?
Bro 1 : Whatsupp!!
Bro 2 : Nothing much.. just 19 Bn$
Bro 1 : Huh ??